Unconditional love

 How would you feel if you receive a call from a student who has autism and who is nonverbal, sound is there and try to speak in word sometimes just because he misses you??....

Vivaan came from Hyderabad few years back and admitted in anubhuti, even he used to stay with us in extended hours too. This year they have gone back to Hyderabad again. We miss him  we text his mom sometimes. Few days back I received a call repeatedly from his mom s number. Whenever I said hello the call was disconnected. Later on his mom said that he called, and he keeps on searching my photo on whatsapp and says Maam. 

What else could you want when your love is reciprocated in this way even after a child leaves your city more than six months? .....

To be understood

Friendship is one of the important aspects in our life. A good friend can always help you to learn in a better way. Even children observe their friends and learn many things. However the kids with autism can't make friendship easily as they have communication and Socialisation impairment. We need to help them to initiate friendship.
The children with autism love to play alone with a car or any toy which they like. We call it solitary play. Children are building a tower or completing jigsaw puzzle usually at around 2.5 or 3 years.In case of children with autism we may have to help them to explore repeatedly . This is called "constructive play". Children start playing alongside with other children and might use similar toys. Just in the pictures

Abhi and Pratyayan are playing .
Gradually children with ASD may learn to share ,to take and give through play of course with instruction and we call it "associative play". Another important form of play is Cooperative play through which children learn to play cooperatively ,following rules and thus they learn to work together. All these steps are not easy and we need to help them to initiate play .
The question is how many mainsream kids are coming to play with them?How can they develop a sense of togetherness?

Accept Involve Motivate

Bully and Humiliation is not new to us . However it is a common issue nowadays even in the reputed schools may it be integrated or special. We never teach our children how the other one feels being humiliated this way and what can be the consequences in the future for that humiliated child.
Srijon has faced such difficulty in his class and so is Swopnil. Swopnil is in class viii and he doesn't want to go to school anymore. Parents are taking him for counselling .
Srijon has" learning disability" and his classmates regularly humiliates as he can't remember and score good marks . Many times he can't write answers in the answer script. But he looks for friendship and loves to play. He loves to share his colours in the drawing class with his friends.
My organisation "Anubhuti" has taken an initiative to motivate them. We are involving teenagers of mainstream schools to take their classes under our guidance. May be a story telling class!
Somsubhro goes to South Point School and reads in class ix. Somsubhro takes Srijon's storytelling class. Srijon is happy to be accepted and Somsubhro is happy in this new venture.

Life with dignity as an adult even without parents

World autism Day!! Celebrations awareness questions of Rights and abilities. But the question is how many individuals with autism live with dignity as an adult? Do they get an opportunity to be employed ? What is the future of the kids with autism when parents will not be there to support the kids? Countries like India must act now .

Where Spring doesn't bring new light

 "I find it impossible to ignore the bantering of teenagers with love.One week Susie loves Johnny, the next week Susie loves Johnny , then she loves Tommy. Then she hated both Johnny and Tommy and loves Billy. Girls chatting about their hopes of a romantic candle lit dinner and boys promising to return home from college to be reunited with their true love's in high school.Each adolescent is certain that his/her love is true and will result in a life long commitment." Cheryl L Dickson
I was going through the Psychological analysis of teenagers by Dickson. I thought to share about a different world , different from the world of Susie Tommy Johnny Billy. It is the world of 'abir'. Abir has autism, moderate level, delayed speech in childhood and even now the speech is not clear though he wants to speak a lot. He is 18 years of age. You can't understand by his good eye contact, facial expression and smile that he is different than Tommy Johnny Billy. You can be impressed at his smile at any time.
I knew Abir since my training days of 'special education'. After couple of years I met him in a workshop of " autism and employment scope" . He is grown up now. He had been one of our case studies of vocational assessment. Abir came and sit with us. He smiled at me and others of my group too. So I didn't understand that if he remembers me. Abir is 18. A clean dressed , handsome guy with attractive social smile.He must have  also gone through hormonal changes, body developments which strongly implicate in the intense feeling of sexual attraction , falling in love at this age. But in Abir' s case we can't talk about 'falling in love'.Due to communication and Socialisation impairment Abir and others who have autism may not initiate a relationship the way normally teenagers of their age do. Sexual and romantic experiences and feelings might have extra challenges for the teenagers with autism.Many teenagers with ASD can find it hard to understand feelings of intimacy ,attraction and affection in themselves and others. It might also be harder to express their feelings.If the teenagers with autism find these feelings difficult he might be more at risk of doing inappropriate things.
Abir tried to answer all our questions though his speech is not clear.
Educator :Do you eat independently?
abir : Maa
Who picks up the phone at home?
Maa
I could understand he only sees his Mom as she fulfils all his need. His Mom fulfills all Abir's need in such a way that she herself never thinks that Abir is dependent in all his daily living activity even at this age
To me now the question is what next? A boy who has reached 18 lives in a world where he only sees his Mom fulfills all his need which again has made him dependent all the time.
I am really worried being a rehabilitation guide. What will Abir do in the future? Sit at home and watching Television and spreads his sweet romantic smile to people around and neighbours and may be the members of the family will make fun of him?Is this the future he deserves?
Mom's, this is hightime to know and understand your child's future and plan accordingly.
Spring may not bring a new light to Abir, Abir may or may not meet a Susie or Rina or Meena however each boy and girl in this different world has right to live a life with dignity which can be prepared from his childhood.
" I am determined to show my critics my true personality
Hoping that people move away from their narrow minded mentalities
I want them to know that I am a bright young man
Who is willing to take on as many challenges in life as I can
I want to make new friends and create a new start
I like to develop a new relationship with open heart
I hope to be accepted for the person that I am
So people can understand a true autistic man".
Scott Lentine
High Functioning Autism adult
26 years

A tale of an Indian woman

"angshu says , Mama dont fight with anybody for me, " angshu shares with his elder sister whatever is given to him, he doesnt have a chocolate even if his sister is not there at home"...... :angshu is very understanding";;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; This was the topic of Purnima, since I met her. I had to go to Patna, to recieve 'Ashoka Award" and there she came from Muzaffarpur to attend a CRE programme.

She couldnt stop her tears while sharing her story neither I. Here is the Indian woman, who is facing reality every moment and we are unaware of it.

Purnima got married when she was 17 years old. At the age of 19 she gave birth to a girl child.. Her Mother in law was not at all happy as the girl child came in the family.. Everyday she used to pressurise for  a "Pota" a grandson. In between her husband was diagnosed brain cancer.

'It was a hard phase of my life, one side I was worried about my husband, running here and there for treatment and the other side Mother in laws torture was increasing day by day. Even my husband was so practical that he was not ready to go for a second issue with that health condition. " However we couldnt avoid it."

"Angshu was born. Angshu had no birth cry and he had not even opened eyes couple of weeks. Those were again a difficult phase of  my life. One side I used to take Angshu to different hospitals and the other side my husband's condition was detereorating. " Angshu was diagnosed "Down"s Syndrome".

Down's Syndrome is the most common chromosome abnormality which is associated with a delay in cognitive ability and physical growth and a particular set of facial characteristics.

"My Mother in law started accusing me that I have some problem that I have not been able to give birth of a healthy normal boy. My husband expired when Angshu was four months." I had no other way than to go back to my" Parent;s house, maike" ".

Angshu is eleven years old now. He is understanding, caring, If somebody comes to meet his Mom, he offers "Kursi", "Chair" and calls his Mom. He never fights even when the other boys of the village shouts at him, "pagal" "mad"... he tries to avoid fighting, shouting, arguement. He consoles his Mom not to cry and to let it go. Purnima;s eyes was full of tears.

"For Angshu only I had to go for the course of "Special Educator". Atleast I have a world now."

"How was the reaction of your society or surroundings when Angshu was a little boy? I asked."

Purnima, looks at me and said, every day some new struggle, I used to face." I remember I used to leave Angshu with my parents while I used to go out. One day, I came back and saw, Angshu was senseless. I took him to the hospital and later came to know, a group of boys in the village whom Angshu went to play with, gave him eight packets of Gutkha and asked him to have those. Angshu was told if he has those , he would have more strength and then only he will be able to play with them."

"Sometimes my Mother also tortures Angshu, when I am not there at home. Many times when I come back I watch Angshu sits alone in the staircase, He never complains as he doesnt want to give me pain. One day a group of village boy was running after Angshu with stones , stick in their hand. Angshu, to save himself was running towards home. My Mother saw and asked what happened and to defend themselves those boys told Angshu has stolen biscuits from the shops. Without even listening Angshu, my Mother starts beating him. Later on it was unfolded that it was fun for the villagers to run after someone who is different."

I couldnt understand where to start , and what to start first? To console Purnima or to speak with the villagers or to arrange awareness programme in every corner of the country? I wish a day will come for all the Moms like Purnima when we will understand and feel them, in a way a world who have and who dont have will understand each other may be?

Lali

I still remember her facial expressions, I took her out of her shelter home and she was surprised may be ! We were capturing her facial expressions . How can parents abandon such a lovely child? a gift of God? I am sure no parents would want her child to abandon this way, specially a Mother.

She was shouting some meaningless words, we couldnt understand. Was she looking for some known face of shelter home? I showed her camel, I noticed her handflapping continuously. I was told she is epileptic with 80% physical disabilities.

After an hour we reached Snehalaya, a shelter home near Gwalior where she stays. She is around 6 years may be. Her name is Lali.

I came back to Kolkata and did various types of work afterwards. however still remember Lali, I made different clippings of films to appeal to the world that No parents should abandon their child whatever the situations come in.

In the rural belt of India due to lack of awareness and family pressure many parents abandon their special kids. Moms of the rural area have too much family responsibilities, like to take care of the children, household work, to take care of inlaws, father in law, mother in law, sometimes help their husbands in agricultural field too. Inspite of that most of them have no say or opinion in the family. Lali may be a child of such family? Who knows?

We pamper our children, sing song for them, tell fairy tales at the bedtime however children like Lali are brought up in shelter home with other children , may be caregivers lose patience many times. they cant feel even. I wish children like Lali meet their Mom someday.

Even in the rural belt of India many times there are lack of specialists to identify the disability. I knew Lali has multiple disability with epilepsy. After few years when I started studying on autism , I found that Lali's core features are so similar with autism. She didnt have eye contact, hand flapping was there, she was mute however was identified as multiple disailbility.

I wish Autism awareness can be spread every corner of the world, all the states and villages of India and all the children like Lali gets proper therapies one day. EVERY LALI SHOULD BE ASSESSED CORRECTLY AND EVERY FAMILY SHOULD BE AWARE OF THE CHILD.